Q. My daughter is going into Grade 12 and I’ve been hearing all about these “Rainbow Parties” wherein teens are participating in group oral sex acts. The girls wear different shades of lipsticks and, let’s just say, the boys come home with multi-coloured
junk. I want to talk to her about this. But…how?

A. THE THOUGHT OF A “RAINBOW PARTY” is enough to make a parent’s heart stop, which is why stories of these in the media are so prevalent. But, rainbow parties are actually not common at all among high school or college-aged adolescents; it’s just that the myth itself is so frightening that the stories continue as urban legends or myths, designed to freak parents out! Take a deep breath and let your anxiety subside. What goes on in your own mind is usually far worse than the actual situations your teens will experience.

That being said, creating a sex-positive environment for your teens, where they can feel free to discuss what’s on their mind is important. Parents are the BEST resource for their kids (even from the time they’re very young) to ask questions in an environment without shame or disgust around sex. It’s your job to prep them mentally for what may happen at parties, the
idea of consent and what it means, and what they should do in an uncomfortable situation regarding sex or their sexuality.

 

“It’s your job to prep them mentally for what may happen
at parties, the idea of consent and what it means.”

 

It’s never easy to talk to your kid about sex—especially if their lips are sealed from bringing information or questions to the
table. Pushing through your comfort zone in the best interest of your children is usually best here and, in the ideal situation,
you will have created an environment comfortable enough for your teen that they feel free to talk to you about any potential
alarming situations they’re in. But this doesn’t happen overnight, and your teen will be alarmed if you’ve been silent about sex for 17 years and then suddenly try to open up a sex discussion at the dinner table. Just take it slow and let your teen know that you’re always there to talk and you support them no matter what. You can’t prevent awkward or uncomfortable situations from
happening in your teen’s life. However, by creating a foundation of confidence and education, they’ll have the maturity to say
“no” when compromising situations arise.

HAVE A QUESTION FOR KIMBERLY? info@inbetween.ca

Kimberly Moffit is one of Canada’s most experienced relationship experts and provides practical advice about parenting and psychological topics. She’s a regular speaker for Queen’s University’s MBA and Women in Leadership Programs, and a frequent lecturer at the University of Waterloo. Kimberly also makes regular TV appearances on shows including CTV’s Canada AM, CBC’s The National, City TV News and Global TV’s Morning Show.
“It’s your job to prep them mentally for what may happen
at parties, the idea of consent and what it means.”